Mar 21 2009
Mean Girls in Preschool
That’s right, we’ve all seen the movie but apparently the whole “mean girls” concept is starting a lot earlier than high school. I started to think about this awhile back, when Riley came home from a beach party at school crying. When I asked her what was wrong she said, “The other girls said I was fat in my bathing suit.”
What four year old girl, tells another that they are fat? I was so mad I wanted to find these little girls and shake the snotty out of them. But I sat Riley down and had the whole “sticks and stones” discussion. I seriously think this is a problem that stems from the parents.
A preschooler should not know how to throw out barbs like that. A preschooler should not care about image or social standing. What are these kids going to be like into high school and into adulthood? Won’t they just teach their kids the same things? It’s this vicious cycle, and I think it’s sick.
Part of a parents job is to teach their kids values and respect and kindness. It breaks my heart to have to assure my beautiful baby sister that she’s nowhere near fat. And when she asked me why they said it? I told her the truth, they were being mean.
What else can you do but try to teach your kids right from wrong? So I’m gonna do my best to see that she learns kindness as well as how to stand up for herself when the sharks jump on her for showing that kindness. It’s a harsh world out there and sadly we’ve got to prepare kids to handle it.
And the next time she comes home crying because someone was mean to her? I’m going to hug her and listen to her, then remind her that people can sometimes be mean and they can also be wrong. Teaching her to hold her head high is the best tool I can give her. Don’t think that my mother didn’t have a few words to say to her teacher, though. Mama bear protects her babies.
Here’s one of many articles I’ve found pertaining to this subject online. It’s more of a problem than you’d think.
http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/2006/Winter/20061.News0306.pdf
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We’ve all had our encounters with “mean girls,” but at four?? Wow, that really shocks me. But it’s what kids learn from their parents I guess. I’m dreading the day one of my daughters comes home and has a similar tale, because, like you, I will want to go shake the snot out of those kids and give their parents a good tongue lashing. Will I? I doubt it, but it sure would feel good!
Wow.. experiencing such behaviour as a 4 yr old? Ugh. My heart goes out to your child. Not being a mother myself, I can only say I think your approach is sound, and commend you for it.
I’m so sorry to hear your little sister is already going through that. But, I have to say I’m not all that surprised. Cliques and things of that ilk start young. Parents and teachers have to really keep on top of it to try to stop it while the kids are still teachable and willing to change.
You are doing the right thing teaching your sister to be kind, but also to stand up for herself.
I think you’re doing the right thing, trying to instill confidence in your little sis, there’s no better way to try and battle the “meanness” out there. It starts early, and I tend to think girls can be a little more vicious than boys. There’s no excuse for it, and I think it’s definitely a learned response.
Hey Sissymomma This one strikes a chord with me. I am a pre-k teacher of the three and four year olds. I deal with these situations everyday. Please don’t blame the teacher for what other children do. I have spoken until I am blue in the face about kindness and friendship and how words can hurt. Two minutes after circle time the word loser is circulating, and who is saying that someone is a dummy and so and so scribble scrabbles. It breaks my heart to see the “victimized” with head hanging low and tears rolling down their little cheeks. I do my best to prevent and to punish and to console where it is needed. It is hard to have all eyes on every kid when each one needs so much one on one–but I think I do a good job. It is so hard for kids to fit in —especially when they get their feelings hurt so easily. I don’t know if it is fair to blame the parents either as I myself have taught my kids to not call names and to be kind and yet they come home with new and interesting words that they learned from their friends….and Spongebob and I carley. Sarcasm is funny to the adults who write it and perhaps watch it, but it is a weapon in the hands of our little ones. They don’t realize it is a joke. I guess what I am trying to say is our kids are learning this behavior from a bunch of sources and no matter how vigilant we are it is going to sneak its way into their world. You are doing the right thing in teaching her to stand up for herself and to ignore the mean children. Eventually she will realize that people who want to tear her down are not worth being friends with in the first place. I love your site… and will visit often. God Bless.